Relationship Rx

Dear Readers: Whenever I get an email from one of my friends sent to a group of us I always scan the CC section to see where I'm listed. I'm thinking... who did he or she think of first when she added these names to the email. If I'm last, that means I'm way down on the totem pole of popularity. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it brings back all those anxious memories of waiting to be picked for the neighborhood baseball game. I would stand there with my new glove in hand, hoping that I wouldn't be last. And I wasn't. I was always somewhere in the middle. A metaphor for my life. I'm a middle child. Living in the Midwest. My horoscope is Libra (the scales balanced evenly in the middle). And according to my careful analysis of my group emails... I'm in the middle of most CC lists as well. At least I wasn't picked last! Is this crazy? Do other people obsess over CC lists?

Dear Readers: I need help! Originally when I started this process my goal was to write an advice column. It was called Ask George: Advice on the Male Mind and Other Grey Matter. The idea was to provide women with answers to questions about the men in their lives. Being a man and a future psychologist, I believed I was uniquely qualified to answer the questions. The only problem was only a handful of people wrote in with any questions. Then I decided to ask the questions that perplexed me about women and life and many more people wrote in with advice. So I decided to change the format and put myself "on the couch," asking my readers for advice. The question is: which format do you prefer? Ask George? Or George On The Couch? And can I do both in one blog...asking for and giving advice? Is that confusing? Any advice, ideas or guidance would be appreciated. --George

Dear Readers: I received an invitation to go to my highschool reunion this week. Not only do I anticipate great discomfort in going back but they actually want me to pay for this privilege! Like going to a dentist for a root canal and having to buy an airplane ticket to get there. High school was not all bad. I played on two varsity teams, learned about Shakespeare, Calcium Chloride and the physics of funneling beer. And in the process made some terrific life-long friends. The fact is I don't feel good about where I am now in my life -- as compared to my friends and every one else who'll show at the event. I mean... who but those that are successful attend a reunion? I can see it now. All of us standing around the school gym talking about glory days -- why do they call it glory days, when all the good stuff happened at night? -- my friends wives laughing politely at the inside jokes, all the while stealing glances at their watches. I'll be drinking too much trying to overcome the shame I feel at not "owning" vs. "renting," not having three kids or a two car garage or one giant mortgage payment. Hey, come to think of it, maybe my life isn't so bad after all. (Pause) Yup. It is. My friends will undoubtedly pressure me to go and I'll make up some flimsy excuse about being in graduate school and not having the funds. What I really want to tell them is...I can't bear feeling "less than" for "more than" ten minutes. The worst part is that my own shame is preventing me from connecting with those I really care about. What do you think guys? --Curious George

Dear Readers: Just this week Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong broke up. In January it was Jessica and Nick, and of course Brad and Jennifer before that. Yes, I read US magazine in the check-out line, who doesn't? Whenever I hear that celebrities have broken up I feel sad. It's like I actually know these people. Break-ups for me are always emotionally and physically painful. In a weird way I feel worse if I do the dumping. Usually it's the other way around, but I feel enormous guilt in hurting the woman. I'm also not as decisive as I'd like to be and often agonize for weeks over my decision. In any case, I've never had a mutual break-up, where both of us leave feeling the separation was for the best. Does this exist? Maybe only in Hollywood. Nick & Jessica: "After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways. This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time." Lance & Sheryl: "After much thought and consideration we have made a very tough decision to split up. We both have a deep love and respect for each other and we ask that everyone respect our privacy during this very difficult time." Brad & Jen: "We would like to announce that after seven years together we have decided to formally separate. For those who follow these sorts of things, we would like to explain that our separation is not the result of any of the speculation reported by the tabloid media. This decision is the result of much thoughtful consideration. We happily remain committed and caring friends with great love and admiration for one another. We ask in advance for your kindness and sensitivity in the coming months." Howard's Stern's on-air announcement that he and his wife were splitting was the most shocking of all. That was literally the last time I ever listened to Howard. Leaving Howard was done after "much thoughtful consideration." I still have an "enormous amount of respect and admiration" for the King of All Media. Eventually, however, I grew to cherish my independence and emotional maturity. I know these celebrities, and their publicisits, want to make nice and avoid public blow-ups. But, is it really possible to have a break-up that ends with mutual admiration, respect and deep love? I'm confused. Aren't those the qualities that actually make a relationship great? --George

Dear Readers: Do you ever wonder what is on the mind of your man when you break up? Let me know the circumstances and I'll try to interpret his actions. Questioning your break-up decision? Post your story. I, and other readers, will weigh in with our thoughts and comments. --George

Dear Readers: A female friend shared this advice with me. She said that I shouldn't cuddle with a woman the "next day" if I didn't intend a commitment.Why you ask? She said that women are quite capable of doing the emotional gymnastics required in uncommitted sex. If, however, the guy is sweet and cuddly the next day, the woman is thrown for a loop and becomes attached in a way that perhaps was not intended. For her cuddling, without commitment, is unfair treatment. I know from my own experience, cuddling the "next day" in no way indicates anything other than I'm... a) cold b) bored c) interested in more sex d) all of the above Now, once in a committed caring relationship, cuddling for me takes on a higher level of meaning. There is a difference. Saying that, do you agree with my friend's no cuddle rule for no-commitment sex. --George

Dear Readers: Do you have issues with cuddling? Questions about how men view snuggling the next day? Ask away and I'll try my best to answer your questions. --George