Relationship Rx
prescriptions for the soulMay 26, 2006
The Truth Or Consequences
Dear George:
My girlfriend called me the other night. She was pretty upset. She found out by acci
dent that this guy she met on-line, and went on a few dates with, lied about his age. She thought he was 37, when actually he is a late 43 (...will be 44 in a few months). She is freaking out because she really liked the guy. Now she wonders what she should do. If he lied about this, what else is he lying about. And can she ever trust him or get over this lie. He told her he didn't want to be judged for his age. Thoughts on this?
dent that this guy she met on-line, and went on a few dates with, lied about his age. She thought he was 37, when actually he is a late 43 (...will be 44 in a few months). She is freaking out because she really liked the guy. Now she wonders what she should do. If he lied about this, what else is he lying about. And can she ever trust him or get over this lie. He told her he didn't want to be judged for his age. Thoughts on this?
--Betty P.
Dear Betty P.
She met this guy online, right? I have learned through trial, and many errors, to suspend belief on information posted on a woman's online dating profile. Everyone exaggerates or minimizes the truth. Technically I'm 5 feet 11.5 inches, but my profile says 6 feet. Woman like tall guys and what is a half inch really? We all shrink in the end.
A half inch or five pounds or $10,000 increase in salary size are all acceptable grey areas for fudging the truth. Why? Because we all have a built-in bullshit meter that assumes everyone exaggerates their self image.
But there is a difference between an exaggeration and an outright lie. I've dated women who were 25-30 pounds heavier than their posted pictures. Now you might think lying about weight and age are completely different. But they're both misrepresenting themselves in big ways.
This guy, like women who post pictures of their slimmer selves, believes that others will reject them for who they really are. Society's emphasis on youth and tight bodies certainly doesn't help this negative self-image. Yet their actions still indicate low self-esteem and a weak ego. This is the bigger problem for your girlfriend.
The lie is a sign of deeper personality problems. He sees himself 
as somehow "less than" or "less desirable" than a 37 year old. The possibility also exists he would do other unhealthy or illegal behaviors to prop up this less than solid self image.
So, while a lie of this magnitude indicates he is comfortable telling untruths, it also demonstrates the depth of his insecurity. And from what I've read on women's online dating profiles... insecurity in men is very unappealing.
as somehow "less than" or "less desirable" than a 37 year old. The possibility also exists he would do other unhealthy or illegal behaviors to prop up this less than solid self image.
So, while a lie of this magnitude indicates he is comfortable telling untruths, it also demonstrates the depth of his insecurity. And from what I've read on women's online dating profiles... insecurity in men is very unappealing.
--- George
Betty P... If you're out there, let us know how it turned out for your friend.
posted by Unknown # 5/26/2006 11:05:00 AM 
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