Relationship Rx

George, I have been friends with this guy for about 5 years. It is the first time that we are both single. We used to see each other once every couple of months or so. This week will be three weeks in a row we have done something. And before that was within a month. At first it was normal. Hanging out like we usually do. A few thoughts crossed my mind, but I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship. Then one time we were watching a movie at my place, and drinking. We ended up fooling around a little bit. I have seen him once since then, and it was back to hanging out as usual, but within a week instead of a month or two. And at the end of the last night, he told me to call him this week and we would hang out again. Should I be reading further into this then just a drunken night? Or is the fact that he wants to see me more often a sign that maybe things will go in a new direction with us. Maybe it was just easier the night we were drinking to loosen up. I did call him, and he called me back that night and we made plans for tomorrow. What do you think? Should I be excited for something more? Or should I just approach this as a friend who wants to hang out more? Dear Friends First, As men get older, we place more value on our time. Why? Because time equals money... and money equals power... and women like powerful men... and therefore time equals women. Simple math. Due to our limited time, we begin to categorize our friendships and create a hierarchy of relationships. While we were happy to have twenty close guy friends in college, now we want quality over quantity. To help you understand a guy's social spectrum, I've categorized our friendships in descending order of importance. 6) "girlfriend's girlfriend's boyfriend" or just a guy I have to be nice to or I'll catch hell all weekend. 5) "work buddies" or guys we only see at work and have to like... because if we didn't our job would bore us to death. 4) "long time no see friends" or guys once in our fraternity or on the football team, but now we only see at weddings or reunions. We say "hey, how ya doin?!"... talk about "glory days" and then never speak for ten more years. 3) "wingmen" or guys we workout, drink and party with but have little to say to beyond "check her out." 2) "friend" or guy we've known since highschool or college who has been with us through good and bad (although we' may never have actually discussed the bad part). In any case, loyalty is key. This is the guy who will move your stuff when you call or bail you out of jail. Don't be surprised if we give this guy a hug if we haven't seen him in a few months. 1) "wife/girlfriend" or the most important person in our lives. We always say our best friend is our wives or girlfriends and mean it (even though you say your best friend is Jennifer from Cardio Class or Bridget from seventh grade). We can be ourselves around you, let down our protective titanium shield and discuss deep dark secrets that god forbid our best guy friends should know. Somewhere between one and two is the "female friend" or the woman guys can talk to about all the heart wrenching, emotion-laden stuff their best male friends can't handle. We value her advice, listening abilities and kindness. We place this type of relationship high on our relationship spectrum and work hard to not screw it up. How could we screw it up you ask? By allowing it to get physical. However, if neither party is in a relationship, and the physical desire is overwhelming, we may decide to move from friend to "forever" with you. This is not an impulsive decision. If we make it physical and don't intend to explore something more, we're breaking the sacred rule of male friendship: loyalty. Most of us know "friends with benefits" doesn't really work and going back to the way it was is awkward. It's either going forward with a committed relationship or the real possibility of ending the friendship. This is where you come in. You can assume your guy friend has definitely thought at length about hooking up with you -- long before he actually did. Right now he's weighing the pros and cons of making that one night the beginning of something bigger. The pros: cementing an already valuable friendship with a commitment. The cons: never seeing you again and being judged by the high court of masculinity for "screwing over a friend." It's ok to be excited about the possibility of a deeper relationship. He's most likely considering the same. From this point on, be honest and open with him just as you were when your were friends. If he's rude to you or mistreats you, call him on it. That's what friends do. You've passed the point of no return, so dig in deep, hold on and speak your truth. Building your relationship on a friendship is a healthy way to assure good communication, trust and compassion.