Relationship Rx

prescriptions for the soul

Mar 8, 2006

Misled & Used

Dear George: I was hanging out/dating this guy for several months. I thought it was moving to the next level. However I ran into him at a restaurant. He was actually on a date with another woman. I sent him an email that was fairly breezy saying that it was funny running into him. And that I was wondering where we stood. This is what he wrote... Thanks for the note, yes, it's a small world!! Sure, I'm happy to be honest w/ you and I appreciate the nice things you said in your email as well. I received your email before New Years, replied and didn't hear back for some time so I really wasn't aware that you had 'feelings'. Regardless, I can't really say that my sentiments are quite where yours might be right now and I don't think it would be fair by saying otherwise or by the sound of things, hanging out together. Nevertheless, I hope you realize that I have always felt that you are a super sweet, smart and fun person to be around.

I was caught completely off guard. And I never said I had "feelings" for him... So my question to you is... How can a respond to him with out him thinking he broke me.. And to get over himself.. I was not in love with him... I was however extremely hurt.

--- Misled and Used

Dear Misled and Used: Lies! Lies! Lies! It's funny that he begins by saying he's happy to be honest with you and then lies right to your face. How many of us "lose" an email or don't see it when it comes into our inbox? Rarely does that happen to me. I always assume when someone says they emailed me and I didn't get it that they didn't send it! In his defense, I can understand why he believes you have feelings for him. If a woman emails us or in any way shows any effort to establish a relationship with us, we assume she likes us and has feelings for us. Why? Because from our skewed male perspective we wouldn't make one inch of effort if we didn't have some stirring of feelings (emotional or physical) for the woman. The last line though is like throwing salt on a wound. I wish guys wouldn't make something already bad much worse by tossing out sappy lines that have no real meaning. You already know your sweet, fun and smart and certainly don't want to hear it from him! To answer your question, I would offer two responses. The first should be used if you still want to date him at some point down the road. I think it's important to model true integrity, as this guy obviously has none. I would say: "I'm disappointed you feel that way. If you change your mind, you have my number." Short and sweet -- the way men like it. The second response should be used only in extreme cases, where you feel the uncontrollable need to punish this guy for hurting you. Seek therapy immediately after responding. It goes like this... "Richard, (use different name from this guy) thanks for last night. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise... you are fun, sweet and intelligent. But most of all you f*** like a champion." Send that to this guy followed very quickly by another email that says... "Ok. No worries. Good luck in your life." This jerk will assume you sent the wrong email (the first one) to him by mistake. He'll get so jealous, as this kind of comment feeds off men's insecurity about their sexual skills. He'll get turned on and at the same time feel an obligation to top this mythical Dick. Of course he'll write back and you'll write: "Whoops, my mistake. Disregard that last email." That's it. He'll be tormented for weeks!

--George

I'm all for second opinions! Let misled and used know your own thoughts and suggestions.

posted by Unknown # 3/08/2006 12:29:00 PM

Comments:

I am married, but have a chinese friend, who promises we will get together. For 5 years now, that is such a joke. He is lonely and just needs me to talk to. He is married also, and is scared to death of his wife.

# posted by

Anonymous : 5/06/2007 11:26:00 AM

Relationship Rx

Mar 8, 2006

Misled & Used

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